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11:54 am Mon, 1st December 2003

So many thoughts in my head at the moment. I want to blog about it all… but I’m finding it hard to get started… to organise my thoughts…. and to decide just how much I want to reveal. (Again the bloggers paradox rears its not-so-pretty head.)

Just been feeling really troubled lately. Relationships with people have been stressing me out. Its always to do with relationships isn’t it. Though for once its not my ‘relationship’.

I’m torn between wanting to distance myself, or to respond in kind or to do the right (and most difficult) thing. Sometimes I get so frustrated with people, that I just don’t want to be around them anymore. Sometimes I feel really cynical about friendships. Maybe I always have been. Looking at an old diary entry about 3 years ago… I wrote “There’s nobody. Not even friends. Y once told me that friends are all there is to hold on to. But thats not true. People, whether friends or not, don’t want to know people like me. Not deeply anyway. I should never rely on anyone. Never trust anyone.” Ok, so that had more to do with certain unpleasant highschool experiences. And perhaps I never fully got over it. The current situation is a bit different. Hm this probably doesn’t really make sense. Then again… I am being deliberately cryptic. 🙂

Man this is not a good time for me to be blogging. I’m starting to become too open. I was wondering why I was feeling so emotional about things… and I took a look my calendar. Yep. My suspicions were correct. (Take one guess :P).

Hm… I think I just managed to talk about it without talking about it. Anyway. I might end up deleting or editing this post later.

Current listening :: “Breaking Us In Two” – Mandy Moore

Posted in Life, Rant & Bitch | 6 Comments »

  1. 6 Comments on “Troubled”

  2. a l
    Dec 1, 2003

    it’s that time of the month too for me *cough* (you can see one of my entries and know why).

    sorry to hear about this, i know r/s’s are fraught with difficulties, and it is not easy. 😐 take care!

  3. Iviane
    Dec 2, 2003

    Cheer up!!! *huggles* Everything will be alright soon. *smile*

  4. yy
    Dec 2, 2003

    what’s the point of blogging if not to write your angst?

    worried about strangers reading certain entries? use the catergories. that’s what they’re there for.

  5. Kazzart
    Dec 3, 2003

    Hey thanks for your kind words al and Iviane! 🙂

    yy: True true. I’m not at all worried about strangers reading stuff actually. I mean thats part of why I blog. Its my closer friends reading it that makes me uncomfortable. Esp if u happen to be writing about some of them.

  6. nate
    Dec 3, 2003

    yeah it’s that time of the month for me too…
    okay maybe not, but I blog to rant and whinge aswell. I don’t really see a point in blogging only about the good stuff that happens. bad stuff is often more interesting. 😛

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